The Underwear Jutsu of Konoha's Sexy Beast
by IcarusForgotten
Summary: When Maito Gai's dignity is bruised, he will go to any and all extents to revitalize his youthful spirit, including parading through Konoha in his underwear.


**I was talking to my friend over the phone, and I mentioned how Maito sounds like the Polish word 'majty', which happens to mean underwear. So we then discussed the possibility of Gai running around Konoha in his underwear and challenging Kakashi to see who would look hotter, and thus resulted in the birth of this fic. (personally, I think Kakashi would win hands down!)**

Kakashi was sitting under the shade of a large oak tree, dutifully minding his own business, when he was suddenly confronted with an overly exuberant green blur producing his signature thumbs up and blindingly flashing smile. There was a certain fire in his eyes that disturbed Kakashi, for those eyes indicated that the mighty Gai wished to challenge Kakashi to a duel of manhood, and would not rest until his dignity would be satisfied with the acknowledgement of his challenge, despite the outcome.

"Ah, my dearest rival Kakashi, have I a proposal for you!"

_Here we go again_, thought Kakashi. "What is it Gai, I was involved in a very important mission before you barged in here like a wild animal."

"Mission? You were napping beneath this tree!"

"It was a self-appointed mission, to seek out inner peace and tranquility."

"I see what's going on. A brilliant exercise, Kakashi! Just what I would expect from my number-one rival," and Kakashi was once again presented with another flashing smile, followed by a thumbs-up.

"Right . . ." Kakashi mumbled. "Was there something important you wanted Gai, because if you don't mind, I would like to return to completing this mission."

"Brace yourself Kakashi, for this is my most dangerous and risk-filled challenge yet!" He took a moment to increase the suspense in the atmosphere; Gai loved to be dramatic. "This is a challenge that you will definitely lose, Kakashi, you have no chance against me. I almost feel sorry for –"

"Gai, could you please just make your point!"

"Right. Kakashi, I challenge you to an underwear-modeling contest!"

Now, Kakashi was always one to stay calm under pressure or passive during comedic situations that required an explicit amount of self-restraint. He was always chosen for missions that required his ability to express his I-could-care-less expression when needed. But here, when confronted with a challenge from Gai that would result in underwear modeling, he could not help but crack and react hysterically, his laughter alone shaking the birds from their perches in the tree that he was napping under so calmly only moments ago.

Gai was furious. "You dare mock me, Kakashi?"

"I'm sorry Gai, but the idea of seeing you in your underwear as part of a challenge is really quite ridiculous. I couldn't help myself."

"Are you afraid of losing to me Kakashi, and are instead therefore resorting to taunts and insults?"

This made Kakashi laugh even harder. Gai flew at Kakashi with a chakra-coated fist, swinging hard and missing Kakashi's head, which resulted in the collapse of the lovely shady tree.

"Relax, Gai, it's just the idea itself that I find to be funny. In terms of who the winner would be, I'm pretty sure I would look better than you in my underwear any day, though I would not wish to parade around Konoha in such an exposed state. Now tell me, what brought this idea on?"

And so the story began:

--

". . . 998, 999, 1000! Ah, bless this youthful energy of mine. Gai, how do you do it? One thousand one-armed push-ups and you still have enough energy to take down an invading army. You truly are Konoha's great beast! Now, time to reward myself for being such an excellent shinobi in such an excellent village!"

Now, where to reward myself? Perhaps the new bar that opened up a few days ago will be in favour of my presence? Ah yes, a delicate bowl of miso soup coupled together with a couple rounds of sake.

My, what a glorious day! The smells and sound of the village are as sharp as ever, oh it makes me want to sing until this youthful heart and these youthful lungs of mine can no longer take the joy that is bursting forth through my splendid being.

Ah, here is this new bar. Kind of . . . tacky. Oh well, the interior design may be up for debate, but the atmosphere seems pleasant enough. It certainly is teeming with beautiful young ladies.

"Hello, ladies, quite a beautiful day to be alive, isn't it?"

Ah look at them, speechless at the sight of my beastly awesomeness. Gai, you are much too devilishly charming for your own good. I shall offer these lovely young ladies a smile and a thumbs-up to indicate that I wish no harm upon their delicate forms. Ah, worked like a charm.

"Waiter! My kind sir, would you be so generous as to fetch me a steaming bowl of miso and a round of sake. Here, keep the change." Oh, how his brow furrows with amazement at my fine discipline and chivalrous generosity. Even the ladies seem to notice, they are giggling so haughtily beneath the cover of their summer fans. Gai, you dashing beast, you have done it again – you have the beautiful people of this beautiful village eating out of the palm of your hand.

"Here you go sir, enjoy." Ah, the waiter has returned with my self-rewarding meal. But his tone is so bitter towards me? He must be disappointed in himself for not being able to compare with my beastly genius. "No need to be jealous son, we can't all be incredible ninja." Oh yea, Gai, you always know exactly what to say. Now this boy will no longer have to suffer the hardship of living within my shadow. "No need to thank me son, it is my undying obligation to Konoha to help lost souls in need." Oh, look at the fire in his eyes as he tries to barge through the crowd to thank me with a challenge to an honourable duel. I do not wish to break his poor little heart, but I am on a self-deserving break. I shall quench his passionate soul with a smile and a thumbs-up. Yes, Gai, your never-ending patronage to community service is remarkable.

Now, where to sit? Perhaps I shall further grace the presence of those ladies from before? Oh, it appears that they are in the heat of conversation; I wonder if I am part of their topic of discussion?

". . . so totally hot! Oh my god, I just thought of something!"

"What?"

"Which shinobi would look the best in his underwear?"

"Living or deceased?"

"Living of course! You can't go fantasizing about a dead guy in his underwear."

"Right, I knew that. Hmmm . . . let me think . . ."

"And don't say Kakashi!"

"What! I was totally _not_ going to say Kakashi!"

"Oh please, you think Kakashi is hottest for everything."

"Only because it's true!"

"So you admit it?"

"Yes . . . wait . . . no . . . ah, my brain hurts! I hate it when you play brain games with me!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. So?"

"So, what?"

"Who do you think would look hot in their underwear? _Other_ than Kakashi!"

"How about . . . Assuma?"

"No way, too hairy."

"Ebisu?"

"Too weird."

"Jariah?"

"Eww! Too old!"

"Who else is left?"

Come on ladies, don't tell me you've already forgotten about Konoha's handsome beast?

"What about . . . what's his name . . . Maito Gai?"

Laughing? Why are they laughing at the idea of me in my underwear?

"Yeah, you're right, no way someone like that could ever look hot."

"Even that old pervert Jariah has a better chance of winning an underwear modeling contest than that Gai."

What? I refuse to believe that I am this unappealing. These are only the opinions of two tasteless women. Where is Kakashi? I need to declare the ultimate challenge upon my rival to settle this dispute.

--

It remained very silent for a long time.

"A very touching story Gai, but I'm not really interested in having an underwear battle with you. Tell you what – you can win this one by default."

It was silent again. Kakashi could perfectly sense Gai's fur boiling through the tension in the air. He was going to snap, and it was not going o be pretty.

"You may think you are slipping away from an undignified defeat by cowering away from this challenge, but I warn you Kakashi, you will not escape the humiliation of defeat so easily! Your too-cool-for-school attitude will not prevail over my beastly attributes this time."

Gai stripped down to his heart-embroidered briefs before Kakashi and ran off into the direction of the village, screaming victory at the top of his lungs.

"Well that was certainly interesting," Kakashi murmured. He turned toward what remained of his tree and settled down amongst the broken bark and scattered leaves to continue his nap – I mean his mission.

**Awww, poor Gai, he's so oblivious to everything! Hope you enjoyed that, especially you Unbi. I suppose I have to resort to asking for reviews, since I seem to have trouble getting them for my other fics. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!**


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